Day 3 - Simple Isn't Easy

Simple isn't easy - for people like me. 

Even as I write those words, my mind is going into a spiral of questions, asking me "what does 'for people like you' mean? How do you define, 'people like you'?"

I don't know the answer. Can people even be defined in groups? 

Now my mind is saying, "Careful, Christine. You can't write like this. People will think you're insane." 

You see, I like flow. Who doesn't? It's that perfect state one gets into when everything happens simply and easily. When things, well, flow. Like the dance of the swallows I see at dusk every evening while sitting at my desk. They flit and flow up, down and around each other, keeping the mosquitoes at bay below my window. 

My Human Design profile says I was 'designed' to go with the flow. Though I'm not a lover of these personality-type testing things, this one's based on your name and time of birth, so there's something at least a little more personal to it. Up until a few years ago, I went almost completely with the flow when living life. I went for jobs that made my stomach buzz with interest, I took on studies and volunteer roles that resonated with my heart and mind. Everything I did, I did with pure pleasure and a lust for. (Sometimes, too much lust, but we'll keep those stories tamed for now). 

Then, I lost my flojo - my motivational flow. I stopped heeding my instincts, stayed in a toxic relationship for too long, did things I promised myself I'd never do, put up with behaviours my friends tell me they are surprised "someone like me" put up with, and generally let life run riot. 

Terms & Conditions

Flow is tricky. There's lots of new research coming out now linking flow with knowledge and experience, and it makes sense. Flow comes from our subconscious brain - hence the term "flow." It doesn't require thought. In fact, the thinking brain is inhibited. There is a release which sends waves of energy and awareness through our bodies (fingers, throats, feet - whatever flow we're finding) and sets us on our way, riding towards the shore like a surfboard skimming a giant wave. 

But going with the flow doesn't always need new knowledge. Epigenetics suggests that we are informed by our histories, by those who came before us. How otherwise, researchers wondered, could a fish know how to swim and a bird know how to fly? We can go with the flow by trusting our gut, but that's easier said than done. 

Riotous Flow

The world doesn't teach people how to live in flow. The world would have you sticking to rules, regulations, timetables and timelines. The world would tell you "you must rise early and have solid morning rituals in order to have a productive day." The world forgets that for a chunk of its population, nighttime feels more productive. The world doesn't understand that flow does not mean disorganisation. 

Chaos and flow are not the same. For those who live very defined, linear lives, flow can seem frightening. To not know what is due to happen next can put a person in a state of freeze - the direct opposite of flow. 

To live life completely in flow is to release all expectation of outcome. It is to be so in tune with the feelings which buzz in the gut that there is no time for thought to enter the equation. The thinking brain disrupts flow. The traumatised, troubled brain disturbs flow. The societally conditioned brain that never rests disables flow. 

Easy Like Many A Morning

Simple isn't easy for people like me, for people who go with life's flow. It means nothing is linear. Today is Day 3 of a 30-day commitment to write a blog post. I knew from the moment I got up that I needed to write one. Flow decided I was to update my website pages and get my social media posts out first. 

I cannot be in flow all the time. I must commit to taking certain actions I know are necessary for my body. I would work all day, but my body needs me to exercise. I have to disrupt the workflow and put in workouts. 

Today, I didn't know what I was going to write about. I have oodles of content to share with you. We haven't even begun with the professional stuff yet, but I want to write what flows. When I let the topic be, and my mind knows something needs to come, an idea is usually fed to me. As today got later and later, and I still didn't have a topic, I thought, "keeping things simple isn't that simple." 

And there we have it. in 25 minutes, I've written the bones of this post. The words are flowing out. I pause now and then to delete a line because my thinking brain puts it in, telling me "it will sound less airy-fairy if you write this instead. You'll sound more intelligent." 

I'm not writing to prove my intelligence to you. I write because it makes me happy. I write because some of the things I have to share, through my lens of experience, I read or heard in a different form somewhere once and that inspired me.

Heeding Your Instincts

To heed your instincts is one of the first chapters in the book I'm writing. I remember the moments I stopped heeding mine. They led me to places I never thought I'd go. They were tough years. They were equally adventurous and exhilarating. Everything is a seesaw - there is no up without down. 

This year, I have begun to fully reconnect with my instincts. (Oh, how we missed each other). As I write and I connect into my solar plexus, I can feel the release within. I smile, knowing it is a scary and difficult thing to do, especially when the world around us tells us to conform. 

But to whom and what would you prefer to conform? To governments that permit genocide? To societies that allow young girls to marry old men? To a world in which we shirk away from others just because they look, smell or sound different? 

Or to yourself? To whatever it is that lights you up inside? To the tune that makes your hips swing and feet bounce no matter how hard you try to stop them? To the chirping of a flock of birds as the sun sets and they hunt for mosquitoes below your window? 

Not heeding my instincts, I have learned with absolute certainty this week, ultimately resulted in me needing to save my life. I know to whom and what I want to conform. 

How about you?