When I was just a little girl, my Mum, Patricia, would sing to me....
"Qué será, será, whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Qué será, será."
During a Spanish session with Monica Barnes a few months ago, inadvertently, I made an insightful connection between my perspective on how to live life, this song, and my beliefs in planning for the future.
I lived my life believing that whatever will be, will be. To some extent, I still do. Don't get me wrong. I always had dreams, aspirations and goals. None of them centred around career or financial security though. They were all adventure based. And I've lived a truly adventurous life so far! Dangerously adventurous at times, sure, but adventurous nonetheless.
Can we really design our future?
It's been well over a year since I finished Pete Cohen 's free 30-Day Kickstart programme. One of the questions asks about your relationship with your future self. I answered back then....
"I don't have one."
But did I really not?
I'd just spent the previous 6 months in and out of skin specialists, suffering from severe toxicity, inflammation, and cyclical vomiting. It was an outburst years of festering trauma that I'd repressed....and was reliving as an adult. I spoke about it in my TEDx talk The Ripple Effect of Vulnerability.
In the six years previous, I'd cycled in and out of a narcissistically abusive relationship, accepting behaviour towards me that I'd never have imagined I would.
Because I was so in the depths of uncertainty in my life; because my confidence was so low, I actually thought that I'd never been future-focused before.
The truth was that before this relationship, my future was looking just fine. I even wrote to myself when I was studying to be an English teacher.
I'd forgotten what made me 'me', my mindset, my goals and dreams. I'd buried how I lived my life before....my joy, my heart, my zest for life. I was wrapped up in a trauma-bonded idea that being future focused meant I wasn't living in the now, wasn't allowing what will be to be. Narcissistic abuse is tricky and insidious.
I very much like to live in the now. To trust what will be, be. (Though I have an opinion on this whole 'being' concept. Again, for a different blog! Do ensure you're subscribed. I'll be keen to hear your opinions.)
Living in the moment doesn't mean I can't shape how I would like my future to look, or take actions and put plans in place that will help make it less uncertain, more easily livable...more secure. It doesn't mean that I haven't been shaping my future my whole life...nor that I didn't know I was.
I'm 40 in June. Since I was 20, younger even, I've had a "goals to achieve by 40" list. They were all "life" related. Things like...
- Work on every continent. (2 left, Africa & North America....want me to come and speak?)
- Dive with Great White Sharks.
- Speak C1+ Spanish (B1+ now, on the way!)
- Live in Spain. ✅ (I moved here in November)
- Walk the Camino de Santiago. ✅
- Do a skydive. ✅
- Love as much as I can. ✅ - ongoing!
- Train around Europe.
- Travel the Orient Express.
- Go on Safari. ✅ (semi-complete. It was in China, so not technically a 'real' one.)
I've got a few to go, and a whole host of new ones for my 50th! I accept I might not get Antarctica in. The Orient Express might need to wait for the 50 list.
What will be, will be. But I'll make some things be...or the essence of them anyway.
I've spent 32 years studying, working, travelling and training. I've lived in 5 countries, worked on 4 continents, and heard thousands of stories. For the past 3 years, I've been shaping all my learnings into offerings and services I believe can help shape the 'new normal' world - and disrupt a few long-standing conditions along the way.
I have new goals (on top of any I don't get round to before June). Things like...
- Help 100,000 people become Phenomenal Presenters!
- Disrupt the world of Public Speaking Coaching!
- Host an engaging, informative, fun podcast.
- Put down roots in my dream cottage.
- Get a dog to share my cottage with.
- Emcee & keynote events.
- Learn to windsurf.
- Dive Alexandria.
- Do a Spartan trifecta.
- Give a TEDx in Spanish.
- Show up for my nieces and nephews.
- Show up as the best coach possible for my clients.
- Help people connect with themselves and each other.
- Laugh out loud every day, whether alone or with others.
There are more, but that'll do for now. It's a decade remember. I have time. There's always time.
My "lifer" best friend, the one I've know since I was a tot, gave me two of the greatest gifts and lessons I've ever received. The first was forgiveness. (That's a story for another time).
The second was Paulo Coelho's, "The Alchemist", my Bible. The first time I read it, I experienced the power of Universal connection.
For a while, I stopped heeding the signs. For a while, I ignored design and destiny and let others lead. But maybe Destiny had a part to play in that too.
I have always lived my life by design and destiny.
- What I know now, I'd never have learned if I hadn't travelled the path I chose.
- What I am able to offer as support to others because of those lessons makes them priceless.
Not all investments show a positive return, but they all have something to teach us. When we learn to use the lessons to take us closer to our dreams, that is when their true value is realised.
If the telescope isn't strong enough to see the stars you dream of, build a stronger one."
Qué será, será....whatever will be, will be.
The future is mine to see.
And I'll shape what it holds for me.
What about you, Reader?
- Do you try to control the future?
- Do believe in letting the future be what it will?
- Or do you live by design and destiny?
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